Last night I had what I prefer to call “an episode”, where my anxiety and depression take hold. I let it consume me. I spent my night feeling everything at once, yet nothing at the same time. My thoughts and dreams were riddled with the lies my anxiety and depression tell. When I woke up for the day (as I woke up a few times throughout the night) I could feel the aftermath of this episode already settling in. But I made a decision, one different from the night before.
I did not let it take over.
I got out of bed and chose to focus on the present moment instead of letting the thoughts and feelings of the night before flood my mind. I got dressed (which is a really subtle yet effective way to move on from a previous state of mind) and sat down with my journal. I wrote down what I learned from the previous night’s episode and how to move forward from it. I do not feel good about what happened. And that’s okay. That feeling is what fuels me to move forward and not return to the mental state I had previously entered. All of this is one of the positives of going through moments like that: learning from them and moving forward.
Important excerpts from the journal post (pictured above):
You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment. Have faith that things will fall into place.
Positivity is the open door out of a cycle of negative thoughts. Follow it. Embrace it. Just because a certain mental state is comfortable does not mean it is healthy.
- do what feels right, but do not force it
- find peace
- only give attention to that which benefits you
Bad moments are okay, but do not let them take over or have control.
Learn from them and move forward
One of my hopes in sharing this is that it will help someone else. That they will be able to find hope in my words and apply it to their own situation.